Presidents and Assholes Pt.3

I ran my fingers through my unkempt, shaggy hair as I regarded the card players seated around the table. Taking my time, I decided to just lowly top the presented 3 of clubs with a 4 of spades, taking advantage of my position directly to the left of Denard who had started the round of cards. B followed with a 5 of hearts, Matt played a 7, Vanderhorst a 9, Amiz was busy talking to Cree and we all had to goad her into laying something down, play for crying out loud!, and she slapped down a Queen. Unfazed by the escalation in the hierarchy of cards numeration, Cree threw down a 2. A 2, a single 2 mind you, of any suit, will immediately stop the round and let the thrower of the 2 begin the next round of cards. It also forces the asshole to have to rake the cards of the previous round. Since we had not designated the asshole yet, or president for that matter, I scraped the cards to clear the table.
Cree eyed his hand, his obtuse hand of cards always positioned in some random order to throw off our perceptions of what his hand held--his trademark routine--and reached for a single card, slapping it down with authority. There sat a slightly spinning ace of spades.
Remarks from all the assembled players consisted of groans, exclamations of "why!?", and low mutters of disses toward Cree for dashing the hopes of all our held hands of cards. Denard pointed out that he was now completely screwed for, being directly to Cree's left, why someone would start a round with the next-to-highest card. Denard passed, not able to discard or unwilling to spend a 2 (if he even had one in his hand) to obtain control of the round again. I pondered for half a second and passed, along with the rest of the table. Until it was Amiz's turn. Oh no, she simply pulled out a 2 and effectively ended the round. Cree smiled, his plan having worked. I cleaned up the round of spent cards.
Amiz dumped double 3s and Cree, being to her left in rotation, topped them with a pair of 4s. Denard had no complaints and discarded two 6s. I had a high pair of Kinks (our terminology for Kings) and opted to pass again. B laid down a pair of 8s and demanded a social. Everyone drank from their beers. Matt put down two Hooks (Jacks) and Vanderhorst passed. Amiz laid down another 2 to keep control. I raked the cards.
Amiz threw down some paltry 5 and Cree became maniacal again, yanking out his other Ace. Denard grimaced, giving Cree the middle finger as he passed on the play. I was annoyed, and frankly knew my fate was doomed--hell, I was already practicing for my asshole role with my polite, janitorial card collecting--and tossed a Kink, breaking my pair up. B threw the remaining 2, taking control of the round. I collected the spent cards and felt my placement in the card play order. I was sucking hind tit, ie. last in the round before the originator of the round has a chance to top to finish that round, thus he will retain control and dump twice as many cards as the other players in every round that he is able to start and finish.
B's 4 was eagerly met with Matt's 5, Vanderhorst's 6, Amiz's 7, Cree flopped an ace and shouted President! We all gave him a social, Denard couldn't play so he passed, as did I. Denard benefited from the play ending with Cree so he dished out his hightest offering, a Hook, and I passed. B passed, Matt topped it with a Kink and, having spent his cards, he claimed Vice President status. Jason passed, Amiz passed, and I raked the meager round.
Denard discarded his last card, which was a 6; I put down an 8 and demanded everyone drink. We did. The newly inaugurated President commanded me to drink again, which I dutifully did, and B hopped out with his final discard of a 10. Vanderhorst passed, as did Amiz, so I collected the cards.
Vanderhorst exited the fray by laying down a pair of 9s, which neither Amiz or I could play on since we did not have any doubles (inwardly cursing myself for having broken up my pair of Kings and my pair of 8s, though the 8s were of little use to me this round), and then topped his hand with a pair of 10s. Amiz threw down a Queen, closing the uneventful round with a smirk and a hidden ace.
I was stuck with a bunch of useless cards, the new label of being asshole, and a bunch of subservient duties to attend to: namely I was to fetch fresh beers for the collected players, shuffle the deck, and change the cd. If I did not do these tasks to the satisfaction of any of the drunken players, I would be resoundingly punished in drinks, not to mention overwhelming insults and denigrations from the President and all the other players. The verbal harrassment began immediately with the chanting cry of "Drink asshole!" originating from the remaining 8 card left in my worthless hand.
I drank heartily.
I sighed as I opened the fridge for the beers. It was going to be a long, very probable drunken evening of cards. I meshed the worn deck of cards together and began shuffling, hoping for a better hand.