Thursday, April 26, 2007

Repainting Iron Railings


Early in his life, the upward stretch beckoned him to explore. The lazy mid-morning light was languid and the neighborhood air calm and empty, especially of parental figures. He reached high on the rails, meeting the halfway mark and gripped tight. His feet holds were problematic; the curves of the swirled inlays in the wrought-iron railing resisted easy ascension. He wedged a Converse hightop into a swirl's connection to the left rail and shimmed his hands up over the flaking rustoleum paint for greater height while his unsure right foot dangled behind him. With extreme concentration and exertion, he pigeon-holed his right shoe into the bottom of a bigger curlycue and felt his left ankle starting to shake from the pressure of his form; his right leg now bore some of his form's weight at another obtuse angle, but at least the burden was shared between his two legs. His hands slid upward, quicker now in his physical interaction...like time was running out for his climb...and caught a spiderweb in his hand. One hand gripped the rail while the other tried to shake free the dusty adherence. Both ankles began to strain, he was almost up to the top, and he suffered the web-crusted hand for a victory extension of his feat--needing to slap his palm onto the carport ceiling for verification, which he did with a hurried pop--and then he clung to the rails while his gravity intensified. His bottom foot seemed to be asleep and stuck, unresponsive to his coaxed releasing. His right foot was wedged; this was when his arms and hands and back and shoulders chorused their exerted pain. His panic was real. He yanked on his right foot, bending the curved decoration inlay on the wrought ironwork, wrenching his leg free. His exulation of movement caused his handgrip to give away suddennly, plummeting him to the ground. A final touching of his right leg, under the weight of this fall, and the weakened handgrips that came far too late, combined to find him on his back with the left shoe still trapped in the now bent bottom curve of the wrought iron railing, fists white-knuckle locked about 2 feet off the ground saving himself from the smack of concrete by sheer fear and coursing adrenaline, and heavenly luck. He gasped for breath, his hands stung, his leg was twisted but numb from lack of bloodflow, and he was practically in shock by the flurry of events. Extracting his twisted foot, he recalled that he reached upward, he had touched the top, he had overcome his desire without dying.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Grass


Lines fold from lack of structure, tall survivors of green aromatic grass between grooved lines of swirling destruction taunt me with resilence. I aim again, second round, to destroy your progressive height and to erase my amateurish driving. Inbetween doomed patterns, I drive around this old yard thinking of time past. I recall early life, innocent days and nutured living. I remind myself, amidst the spreading razor-scythe swath of demise I leave behind my lawnmower...I remind myself of how I grew up in this yard like the hardy weeds that slip by my destructive path. Times flash backwards, show how my best friend edged out alive too, which is so rare from our ghostly generation. These thoughts tremor along vibrations and screams of shattered sticks and the suffocated bogged-down dead grass bodies clogging the swirling machination of finality. Weeds survive; the common, generalize grassy lawn is shorn and unremembered and dismissed as unnecesary.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Black and Blue Sunset

Hate to let my mind roam over the areas of my thoughts that are sprinkled with landmines of hurt like a decorated zero-donut of demise, so I turn it off. Click. The switch is heavy to flip upward, spring-loaded downward. I crush those heavy draping recollections so as to not stumble under the weight of a bruising, a battering, a beating that is my past...that is still me when I'm out of focus...that is my upturned hands presented to the sky in abject confusion of love.

Hold onto distance as a cloak to withdraw into so as to avoid plugging into lives of surrounding "others" and dance behind the puppet wall, the cut-out mask, the costumed fool, the shadowy pantomime. Ride that elevator up to work and hop that train and pull the covers up over blackened regret and painful remorse and after the prayer by the lonely bedside, the words whispered across the darkened room that cry for help paint the backdrops of my dreams.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Restricted

Like the others that wave from outside the glass surround of your gazing eyeball, so life beckons me to come out-of-doors and play on the freshly cut lawn today.

"Sorry, I can't play today. I'm...", closing myself into shadows and stale corners of an overworn house of familiarity.

Not today.

Stalled


This light that pulls
Out the other shadows
Is always radiating
I lose my bearings

Hard fall again
Is not planned
The hurt contains
End inward slams

Wound around my own words
Captured, I stir the memories
Grasping, groping, reaching for holds
Acceptance--stalled motion precedes demise.